I don’t know much about parents in other countries but many parents in Singapore are very protective of their kids. They love their kids so much that they would do almost anything to shelter their kids, at all cost, from bad experience, pain or negative in life; especially those with single child.
A simple example would be cooking; many older kids I know, especially the teenagers, are not allowed to help out in the kitchen. Of course, there are many reasons that they are forbidden to be there such as their parents do not want them to mess up the kitchen or to get burn accidentally or they have maids, and so on.
During my student-care working days, I even have a mother who got so work-up about her son’s spectacle broke during an outdoor play with his friends that she wanted to confront the other kid who had unintentionally caused the damage.
Frankly, I noticed that kids with parents who are always ready to stand-up for them are going to suffer later in their adulthood. Why? This is because they, the kids, have never gotten to experience the ups-and-down in their lives. They have never learnt how to solve their problems or resolve conflicting issues. Everything in their lives is so well-provided for. As a result, it is common to have young adults who have never been grown-up emotionally.
So what do I suggest to all of you who love your child and yet want him to grow-up well emotionally? Let us start by learning how to listen them with grace.
How do we do it?
1. Learn to bite our tongues to withhold our instructions or comments whenever our child tells us some negative encounter he has in school or with his friends. It could be a squabbling or fight with his friends. Or even a scolding from a teacher.
2. Let the child air out his sorrow or pain or injustice.
3. Show him that you empathize with him of going through the unpleasant experience.
4. Let him come out with his own resolve. If he cannot do it, you would have to guide him through some leading questions such as “So why do you think she did that”, “What would you do if you are in her shoes” etc.
5. Give them your time and attention in listening them out. If you do not do that, your child would find someone else who would.
It is perfectly alright to protect our child but we also have to subject them certain level of negative-ness in lives so that they can develop the resiliency to face the negative things in their future adult lives.
