Praise is not flattery and should be direct, specific and sincere. Most kids crave for approval from their parents, teachers, coaches and other authoritative figures in their lives. They desired to be loved and reassured by them. Hence, to correctly praise and affirm a child would impact him significantly in their behavior and self-esteem.
On the contrary, we should be careful to avoid praising our kids excessively. What is excessive praise? What kind of negative effects they would have on children?
Excessive praises are those repeatedly heaping on a kid for his same success or good behavior. Things that he has already shown he is capable of excellence.
Unless the child is one who lacks confidence, to repetitively praise him for the same thing would only make him proud and develop a false illusion of his capabilities. The last thing we want is to raise a haughty child or one who is not motivated to progress any further.
So, how do we avoid excessive praise?
1. To avoid our carnal urge to repeatedly praise him in front of others especially over the same thing.
2. To look out for new accomplishment or behavior progress to praise him about i.e. his improved penmanship or ability to take initiative.
At different growing-up stages, children would mature and develop more sophisticated skills, abilities and even attitude. It is the task of their parents, teachers and coaches etc to earmark their progress and affirm them with verbal praise besides physical rewards.
Ms Dorothy Law Nolte, a wise Librarian, wrote these in Children Learn What They Live:
If children live with criticism, they learnt to condemn
If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence
If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness
In the Bible, our tongue is described as a bit which can control a horse, a rudder which can steer a ship. Let us use it wisely to steer our children to good works and character-building.
