It is never a good idea to always be a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ authority in the process of raising or parenting boys. Why is it so? If we are always a ‘yes’ person, we will become the ‘doormat’ for the boys to trample upon with no respect.
On the other hand, being a ‘no’ person, the kids would find us unapproachable and distant from us.
To be successfully in raising boys, we must quickly learn how to set boundaries for boys under our care. So what is setting boundaries?
Setting boundaries is not physically locking our boys up or lashing out verbally the “you cannot” or “you do not”. Just the opposite, setting boundaries is simply setting the ground rules for the boys before we dismiss them to play, explore or learn anything on their own.
For example,
At public area: when we bring our boys to a park or swimming pool, we can specify the area they can freely roam about. In doing so, we can keep a watchful eye on them without losing them.
In class: we can start our lesson by asking the boys how they should behave in class during lesson. Let them tell you the expected behaviors. Sometimes, you would be surprise how well they know them.
At home: we can lay down the common house rules like no TV during meal time. Or outdoor play is permissible upon completion of school work.
In fact, there are plenty of examples of setting boundaries. Any failure to do so, we will definitely have situations where boys would get out-of-control.
In setting boundaries, we are actually:
1. Empowering them the life-skill to integrate successfully into a community
2. Instilling the boys the need to exercise self-control and later self-discipline
3. Keeping them from harm in the course of their adventure, play and learning
4. Imparting good leadership skills to the boys
So, how do we set boundaries?
1) Anticipate what kind of events to be happened and know how the boy will behave or react
2) List down the guidelines or instructions for them to follow
3) Ensure these guidelines are reasonable and within the boy capabilities to fulfill
4) Inform the child about them and fine-tune them, when necessary, if the boy find them unreasonable. Both adult and child have to come to an agreement of the boundaries set.
5) Be firm in enforcing the loss of privileges if the boy has willfully crossed the set boundaries.
It may take a few trial and errors to fine-tune what kind of boundaries are reasonable and acceptable to the boy. However, once we master the ability to set good boundaries, our child would respect us and be willing to co-operate with us.
In summary, setting boundaries is one of the essential life skills in parenting or raising boys. It will guide our boys to form good habits. And in long run, it will help them mature into a responsible, self-control and discipline individual.
